I sound like a whiny bitch

Fuck! I keep running 'round in circles. No closer to the center, but further from the edge. "I'm doin' all right, gettin' good grades. The futures so bright, I gotta wear shades."Timbuck 3 Another season of black Friday trampleings and childish credit card abuse is almost in the rear view. I've decided that my enjoyment of the season will not last longer than a fort night, and this being week eight means people might die by my hands. Not die physically but in more of a "The things you've just said have turned my six year old mind into a Gillium film" kinda way. Enough about my "FUCK CHRISTMAS" attitude..... I'm drunk, and..aaaaaannnd, might just use some sort of spelling correction software to make myself seem a scoooch intelligenter. Sometime I wish this, writing, was easier but if it was would I enjoy it as much. Would it turn into another "the one that got away?" of which there are many.

facepalm

I think its easier on the heartbreaker if they remain friends with the breakie, and easier on the heartbroken to sever all ties with the breaker. and time should heal all wounds right? what if the broken breaks the rules and tries only to help all the ones who did them wrong? Plays their game until they see how the actions have changed the it for the better. in my experience this is horseshit. but im at it again, not sure if its for them or me. honestly i just want everyone to be happy(impossible i know but why not try)

i havent done this for a long time and i think im due for a literal puke fest, but everything else i try seems to end up much more destructive than a few words on a blog that no one will ever read... so

another relationshit destroyed by my febel attempts at companionship. it cant always be my fault, in fact "they" always say its them and not I. How can i believe this bs when im the one stuck here alone late at night and they are off enjoying the company of othewrs.

I've been told to write what i know, but what i know doesnt intrest anyone especially me. im interested in being happy, living a fulfilling life that keeps me guessing as to what adventure awaits me around the next bend. maybe thats what i know. that all im here to do is strive for the simple, honest life i will never obtain. the shit that seams easy to everyone else who crosses my path and throws their accomplishments in my face, unbeknownst to them.
i wonder if they do it on purpose, or if it just feels like it every time the mention how happy they are about their upcoming nuptials, or due date, or mortgage downpayment.

So here i am again doing the one thing that helps(and hurts), drinking alone in the dark. but atleast im venting throught the keys. and even though it makes me feel better i know im doing nothing productive but refining my very own hunt'n'peck typing method, and keeping dust from forming on my glass. at least im not complaining to some bartender who wants nothing more than to finnish their shift and get back to the one person who makes them feel a little less insigniffigant. fawk, thats all i want. Someone to listen to my ramblings and give a reassureing nod or glance during the commercial breaks of "our" existance. someone to fake interest when its needed. maybe they're out there doing the same thing, wondering whats wrong with themselves and cursing all those who find it so easy to find companionship. i wonder if they're easy to find on google. nevermind, im too superficial to chat with someone if there isnt an imediate physical attraction. who am i fucking kidding, if there is an attraction i usually cant talk with them without a fifth of rye in the veins anyway.

shitstormed, shitluck, and shitpissed

as i sit pissed, alone again on a sat nite i keep remembering a stanm,dup bit by georeg carlin about soft language and ho we have changed our vocab to better suit our children. which is bullshit we're just propetuating our capitalist, comsumerbased econemy. AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! fuck it maces me sick(not the whole situation as much as the means, although the sitch is nausiating).
fragments ove a once intelligent conversayion. fuck its getting hard to inunciate on the keyboard. so.. a new year. another day.. another dollar....in the red!
i've always regretted not sleeping with a ten...... but one night i slept with five two's.
i think that should couny

fuck the world dont ask me for shit...and everything you get ya got to work, haaaaard for it
dirty dancing has nothing on clean fuckin
ffffffffffFFFFFFFFFFFFiSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh
that was an airplane going overheaD

how come everyone hates their hometown, untill they move away

how come confetie is such a happy sight, when some poor fuck's gotta clean every piece off the floor

back again full of "cheer"

i never knew about drinking over the holidays. my parents wern't big drinkers (chronic potheads) so i never had it around, and maybe the whole idea bout holiday "cheer" has shifted from the enjoyment of a stif one with company to a numbing intoxication to deal w/the added stress of the holidaze. but nevertheless im full of cheer now for the latter, the crowds make me crazy nervous.
now thinking about my upcoming wknd w/friends and some fam, im glad that a little social lube will be in effect. not to deal w/anyone (i got the best hometown gang i could ask for) but to help w/my akward social insecurities.
fuck, am i ever gettin soft....i need to shift gears.....in my thought process and my mood..

i cant wait to hit the hills w/my snowboard, a micky of whisk, and a couple friends.......ahhhh.. paradise.
thertes nothing like killing yourself in some hard pack w/friends. its souch a good time presidents and world leaders should try it to help solve conflict. it may not help but it gives some advantage to canada.

fuck it im spewin rubbish.... im goin to the bar to get.... "inspired"

ho ho ho!

no fucked up............no write

im stuck north of the evolved world for a week (maybe more)@my aunts. her family are devoted christions so i wont be into the sauce for a while. therefore i wont be writing.
peace

2:55

omg
i just got back from filthy mcnasty's and what a sceen.
i sweare to god i was the oldest patron in the bar. every, i mean every girl in there was at most twenty, and the only males over twenty in the bar had something to do w/the bar(bouncer bartender, guy w/a stick telling me to leave)what,a bunch of pricks. if i was sober i would write a letter to.....someone.
i guess they were doing there job, but holy shit i wasnt even wearing a hat(anyone who knows me knows i have little, or fine hair)im fucking going bald!!!!!..
dumb fucs

whatever its past three now....last call has come and gonew........i would like to thank all of my producers,,......and the crew....... and anyone else who had a hand in this production, you know who you are(namely!.....me)
i youre stealing credit for this........
thats sad